its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
