Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
