i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
