it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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