the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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