It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
