finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i am craving dick and cupcakes
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
