Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
