We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
