we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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