So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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