How'd it feel making her break her religion?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
