I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
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I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
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I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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