I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize