Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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