It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
