you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Sorry my hands just texted you
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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