How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
