Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
