Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
