Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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