can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize