Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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