you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
