..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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