I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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