Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
