i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
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Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
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I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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