no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
