he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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