I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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