One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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