I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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