So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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