After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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