I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
