i used baking grease as lip gloss
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
