I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
