hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
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