dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
