i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
