my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize