my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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