Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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