I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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