I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
