We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
