My hair reeks of homosexuality.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
