apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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