cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
