He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
