I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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