If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
