i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
