I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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