My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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