She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
