I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
