My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
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It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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