I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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