I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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