I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Randomize
