wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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