meet me or not, i'm out of control
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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