I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
