I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize