you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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