I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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