I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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