just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I am in a vortex of obligation.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
is that a dick in a sweater?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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